Top shirt Index hearourvoicetee on 2020/10/11

Have you ever had such an intense panic attack that the world seems to slow down? I was one my knees, and I could feel warm, heavy liquid spilling out of me. Every time I breathed more came out, until breathing became a chore. I could hear muffled screaming.





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I had seen one intruder in a back storage room off the kitchen, and another intruder had obviously been in the enclosed front porch. I was taking the captain back to the storage room and going through the house. I was about midway into the living room when he saw the revolver on the floor.


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He picked up the revolver and checked to see that it was loaded. He carried the revolver through the living room and ended up putting it on a table as I opened the door to the storage room. We continued doing a walk-around the house, barn, and other buildings. Because the revolver hadn’t been fired, he didn’t take the revolver.


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Got accused of drug seeking, doc did a few blood test and one additional blood culture, and sent home. Nest morning, the er doc called. The blood culture showed a blood infection. I wad in serious condition and need to be admitted immediately since id been septic for 6 months.

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 I didn't have a PC at the time, so ers were all I had. I was treated as a drug seeker and given the minimum treatment. Minimum testing. One extra blood test would have answered my question. 2 weeks in the hospital, 2 weeks in a short tern recovery home. 



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I was the youngest by 30 years, minimum. Have to have physical and occupational therapy to get my strength. Off all the doctors I saw… 1 additional blood test could have answered. Instead, because I didn't understand what was going on , I presented poorly. 


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But I was accused of drug seeker 1 out of 2 times I went. I finally stopped going. But n.y roommate convinced me to try one more time. Figured this was now my life. When I found out I was septic, I cried from relief. Thank God thr really IS something wrong! 


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Now let's me fixed. Took months to get my strength back. I don't trust hospital anymore. In my files, they've wrote Drug Seeker. Im screwed next time I have genuine pain. All because they couldn't be bothered with one additional blood culture test. I lasted 6 months septic.


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 Doc asked me how I survived. Told him i didn't know i wa supposed to die lol. Always be your own advocate! If you're convinced someone's wrong, keep looking! It could save your life. Doctors are human and make mistakes. Keep looking for a doc that will listen.


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I got hungry walking to my bus stop. I stopped at a Subway sandwich shop. Got my sub and I got a little hungry as I walked to a bus stop along the road. I saw a bench for the bus (I could have stopped at any along the road but the bench looked appealing). 

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I had some time before the bus came. I took out my sammich and an older man came up from behind and sat beside me. I was in a good mood but I don't particularly like talking to strangers. I had always been a dutiful husband. I did my share (and more) of the house work, all of the yard work, paid all of the bills. I took time to be a good father to our children. But there was no reciprocity. The more I did, the less she did.


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So, I should have defended my boundaries and not allowed myself to continue to be used and abused. She might have learned she couldn’t walk all over me and straightened out, or she might have just left earlier. But either way I could have prevented the years of depression, remorse and self loathing I suffered through.

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As ‘Susan’ was a close friend she would often share her experiences of how her day went and any good and bad news that took place at work, without divulging any patient info that would identify a patient. Of course whatever she shared with me stayed with me and that’s why I won’t say the city or hospital she worked or her real name.

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However, one evening when she came home early we ordered pizza at her place and watched a rental movie (that’s how long ago it was on VHS tapes) and she was obviously very upset. Over the weekend she shared how there was this one patient who was coming into the ER for dialysis treatment from kidneys that no longer functioned and to get treatment for issues related to a cancer diagnosis.

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